How We Preserve What Was Lost

Hope in the Rough: Surviving Miscarriage & Challenges Conceiving
By Charlotte Capogna-Amias

I have been thinking about miscarriage and the ways we remember and honor what was lost. Maybe heading into the winter months is spurring this for me as I contemplate ways to hold onto life as we head into the season that is free of green growth and fresh abundance. For me, it was important to have some ritual or marker of a time and experience that will forever be important to me and my family- the months in which I was pregnant. I did this by planting some pale rose colored perennial coreopsis flowers in our garden around the time our baby was due to be born. My family and I went to our favorite perennial farm and spent a long while mulling over all the plant options until we settled on the coreopsis. We wanted something that was hardy and would last our long New England winters and come back year after year to remind us of what would have been our second child (my first pregnancy).  

So I am wondering, for those who would like to share, what are the special ways you have honored your pregnancy and child?  

When I attended my first Empty Arms support group I was so moved by the facilitator asking us, with an eager, loving air, about our pregnancies. She wanted to hear all the details we wanted to share- the pleasant and unpleasant ways our bodies changed, the excitement, the nervousness, the process of conceiving. It was so validating to have someone honestly want to hear about an experience that it felt taboo to discuss. I still feel, nine months later, that some people get uncomfortable when I even utter the words “when I was pregnant” as if it’s a period that should be left unnamed, forgotten.  

So with this, I encourage you to share what has been your way of remembering and honoring that important time, experience and soul that was a part of your life, if even briefly. You can leave a comment under this post or email me privately at ccapogna@gmail.com.  I hope to develop an essay about this and all names will be left anonymous.

Thank you dear community.
With love and support,
Charlotte