My daughter, Harlow, was stillborn April 2, 2012. I previously had a miscarriage that felt heavy on my heart and -for whatever reason- thought that it may be hard for me to get pregnant… but I never thought that my later pregnancy would end in such devastation! While living almost across the country from my family and closest friends, April Fool’s Day brought the worst news I ‘d ever heard… that I would be giving birth the next day, but never taking my baby home. We spent 11 beautiful hours together as I took in all of Harlow’s precious physical traits. But the room stayed silent.
In the coming days, weeks, and months that followed, it was my sisters in grief (especially one in particular) who carried me through my hardest and deepest days. I found solace in being able to grieve openly with other women who’s stories ended similarly to mine, and found strength in being able to give my grief a voice in sharing my journey via social media, blogging, and to those who would listen to our story. Even though I allowed for myself to openly speak my truth, I felt that something was missing (and it wasn’t just her). My rainbow baby son came a year later, and next came a move back to MA, a difficult couple of years, and a divorce. At this time I felt SO disconnected from my daughter and our journey while I was just trying to keep going.
Fast forward to 2019 when I was able to finally attend my first grieving mothers retreat (called Waves of Salt) right when my grief was hitting a low and I was at a loss on how to fix it. This is where I met Carol -founder of Empty Arms- and found out that there was a support group in my direct area… something I’d always wanted to be a part of!! That retreat changed my life. Not only did I find it therapeutic in more ways than I can articulate, but I also found some of the strongest women that I instantly connected with (whom I now call my “salt sisters”). This retreat also brought a connection to a calling I’d been wanting to be a part for years… helping grieving parents on a more person level. I was able to keep in touch with Carol so that I could eventually move forward with this heart work my soul so badly has yearned for! Although I wish that these groups were not needed, it is in my daughters honor that I walk beside these grieving parents and let them know that they are not alone as they navigate their own grief journey’s.
Jenn is a co-facilitator of our Subsequent Choices Support Group.